I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
