There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Umm I'm too high to move.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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