I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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