Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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