You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
