some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
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