she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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