I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
