Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
