it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
