so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
True strength comes from lack of pants
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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