Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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