Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
