During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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