I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
