Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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