awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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