I just pynch a tree in the face
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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