I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
