We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
