He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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