Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
