Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
