he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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