i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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