is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
as a side note pls kill me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
