Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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