Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
