We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I will pee on everything he values.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
