sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize