i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
