walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize