Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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