Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
