the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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