my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
