i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize