why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
