Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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