you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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