you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
