I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My balls are so social today.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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