Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
