He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
