I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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