i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize