So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
