i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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