I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
