the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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