It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
