how can u be prego again
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize