Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
