So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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