my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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