I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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