woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
