I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
