I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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