Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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