It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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