I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
