doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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