Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
