i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
