Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
