I'm so fucking centered right now
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
