i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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