it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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