Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
